Yahweh-Yireh (Again)

I wrote a post last April about how the Lord provides in ways we often don't expect.  That's what "Yahweh-yireh" means: the Lord will provide.  And though more than a year has passed since that post, the Lord has not stopped providing for Thomas and me.

Our decision to move to St. Louis was so fast and so sure that we just knew God was laying out the path before us.  When we prayed for God to basically smack us in the faces with the plan, He obliged.

And He has continued to assure us that this is His plan, and we are safe in His arms.

The biggest way He has provided since we got to St. Louis is with jobs.  Within five days of moving here, Thomas and I both interviewed for and were offered jobs!  Within five days!  Now, if that's not proof that God still works miracles, I don't know what would be!

So we are getting settled in our new town, new home, and new jobs.  It's still tough though.  There are a lot of little things that hit me periodically to make me miss Florida and the life we had there.

The weather here certainly isn't helping.  It has been cloudy and rainy pretty much everyday since we got here.  And that's probably one of the things that's bothering me most right now.  I sincerely miss the brilliant sunshine.  But instead, this is what I've got:

I snapped this photo on my way home from work yesterday afternoon.  Yes, in the middle of the day, this is how dark it was.  Now, don't get me wrong, it did rain and storm occasionally in Florida, but not for a whole depressing week.  I just have to keep remembering that the sunshine will return eventually.

...And that the Lord provides.

Recipes to Come and Randoms

The past week has not been a normal one for me.  But, of course, in every week, I try to find some little lovelies that make me smile.  So here they are.

First of all, I successfully completed week one of my running program.  (Woohoo!)  I'm not really worried about being able to keep up with it until it comes to week four or so.  Once the distances move into ones I've never run before I don't know if I'll be able to progress that quickly, but we'll see.  The program is pretty basic; I'm running three times a week with some other various exercises on the off days.  So last week I ran 5.3 miles over three sessions.  This week, it will be more.  Yikes!

I tried out a few new dessert/snack recipes last week/weekend, so I'll be sharing those over the course of this week.  Watch out for the soft pretzels.  They were amazing!!!  The single serve brownie was delicious too!

I also made this Hot Fudge Pie for dessert at a friend's house on Friday.  It was pretty delicious and went perfectly with some ice cream and chocolate sauce.  Yum!

My latest scarf is off the loom, but I haven't gotten around to finishing it yet.  I'm still waffling between making it an infinity scarf or a regular one so that's holding me up.  This week I am determined to make up my mind and finish it!

One last one, but possibly the biggest:  I really love the Bible study I'm doing right now.  God is speaking to me so intimately through it, and I find myself growing each day.  I absolutely love it when God allows your Bible study to speak very specifically on something you're going through in that moment.  That happened to me this week when I was really struggling with faith and with believing God, and BAM!  That's exactly what my Bible study was about that day.

God is so perfect, and things like that continually show me that believing Him is so very worth it.  It's harder to put into practice than it is to say in words, but each day, I am working to live my faith in Him.  He is mighty!

Here's to another week where only God knows what is to come!

New Purple Scarf

This week has been rough for me.  Nothing big.  Just a week full of small tough moments.  

And it all culminated this morning with the discovery that if you mess up my breakfast, you have messed up my entire day.  Yep.  I've been craving waffles all week.  And the plan was to make them for breakfast this morning so that Thomas could help me eat them (I try not to fix them just for myself because that would cause severe over-eating for me).  Well, too bad I tried a healthier recipe.  I ended up with a completely unusable waffle maker filled with inedible waffle-ish-ness.  

So, of course, I dejectedly grabbed a bagel from the freezer and popped it into the toaster instead.  ONLY to have the bagel burn to a crisp because the toaster decided not to pop up like it's supposed to!  While I had decided to give up on the world and go hide in a hole for the rest of the day, Thomas promptly grabbed another bagel and popped it into the toaster for a second go round.  

Nothing disastrous happened for the rest of breakfast, but I did have to spend the next 45 minutes cleaning out a waffle maker that is so stupidly designed that you can't take it apart to clean it.  So 45 minutes, some sore fingers, and about a million paper towels later, I shoved the (mostly) clean waffle maker back in its cabinet before I lost control and threw it in the trash instead.

So yeah, there's a peek at my day.  Moral of the story: Don't EVER mess with my breakfast!  Mer.

Anyway, I just meant to explain that I've been a little absent on the blog because I've had a bad week.  It's a lot harder to write upbeat posts when I'm feeling melancholy.

But I was reminded yesterday (just in time too), that God does not want his children to feel defeated and beat down.  Yes, He allows us to go through hard times, but the illusion of defeat comes straight from the enemy, not from God.  So, I am praying a lot and trying to keep my head up instead of succumbing to the feelings of failure.

Moving on... This post is really supposed to be about the scarf I recently finished, but I obviously got sidetracked.  (Thus explaining why I don't like to blog when I'm having a bad day/week.)

This is the scarf that's been on my loom since just before Christmas.  I started weaving with a light pink weft (sideways) yarn, got about halfway done, and then didn't touch it for about three months.  I stopped working on it because I really wasn't liking the color scheme.

One day, I decided that I didn't want to finish another scarf that I knew I wouldn't like, so I un-wove the entire thing and started again with a purple weft.  And I love the colors so much better.  Even though it was a pain to un-weave so much of a project, it was definitely worth it!  Here's the finished result!

I haven't started on a new project yet, but I'm sure I will soon!

Grocery Shopping "Wins" Without Going Crazy for Couponing

So, I will preface this post with this:  I don't do extreme coupon-ing.  I just don't.  I do realize that it could save me more money with my grocery bill, but that's just not something I'm willing to spend a lot of time on right now.  It's not that I don't use coupons when I have them; it's just that I don't go out of my way to collect them.  

So that being said, I have been working on saving a little money in my grocery shopping recently.  And I have some (non-coupon) tips that I'd like to share for anyone else out there who's trying to pinch a few pennies.

1.  The less you shop, the less you buy.  This one is pretty simple: If you go to the grocery store fewer times per month, you have less chances to succumb to the ever enticing impulse buy.  I have started trying to go to the grocery store once every two weeks (with the occasional extra trip for milk), and I have noticed a huge difference in the amount I spend at the store.  It's just so simple to think that if you're not walking around the store every three days, you won't see things you're tempted to buy but don't need.

2.  Meal Plan and Make a List.  This one is a definite must to save some cash.  If you know what meals you'll be eating for the month, you know exactly what you need to buy and when you need to buy it.  I have started planning out the entire month's worth of meals at the end of the previous month.  Though it's a chore, if you get the whole family involved in requesting their favorite meals and brainstorming, you can have it completed in no time.  After that, make a big list so that you can buy most of it in one big trip.  But also, don't fret too much when the schedule changes and you have to move one or two things around; life happens.

3.  Shop with a Buddy.  This one might or might not work for you.  I have noticed that when I shop with Thomas, I'm much less likely to buy things we don't need.  He's not critical or anything, but I think twice about putting something unnecessary in the cart in case he asks what we need it for and I don't have an answer.  I also like him there because I can send him down an aisle that tends to be extra temptation for me (the bakery area).  Then I get the one item I need without the temptation of everything else in the aisle.  However, if your buddy is an impulse buyer, this one might not work out so well for you.

4.  Watch for Deals on Items You Use a Lot.  Unless I cook something special for breakfast, Thomas has cereal almost every morning.  So I know that I always need to have cereal that he likes in the pantry.  That means that I walk down the cereal aisle every time I go to the store.  If things he likes are on sale, I stock up on them so that I don't have to buy them when they aren't on sale. This is the same with the frozen vegetables I buy.  (I'm a brand snob on those.)  We eat a lot of them, so I buy as much as I can when they're on sale because I know we'll use them before the go bad.

5.  Pay Attention to the 'Price Per Ounce'.  When buying items where you have a choice of size, look at the price per ounce on the price tag.  A lot of times, if you buy the bigger box of cereal, rice, etc. you get a better deal.  Sometimes, it can be a huge difference!  But make sure you only buy the bigger size if you know you'll use it before it goes bad.  The same thing goes for deciding between two different brands, etc.

So those are a few small tips for your grocery budget.  They won't make an enormous dent, but you will definitely find yourself with a little extra cash at the end of the month!

Road Blocks

There are always roadblocks on the way to contentment.  And as soon as you think you've made it past the last, toughest one, you hit another.

Right now, I have two big roadblocks.  And one of them happens to be the big nasty monster called selfishness.  

I think we all struggle with selfishness to some degree.  But, recently, I've realized how selfish I have become.  Somewhere along the way, I decided that I deserve to get what I want.  And it is ok for me to be angry or pout-y or sad when I don't get my way.  And, of course, I know that's 100% not right.  That is a sinful area in my life that needs work.

But I sort of wonder how I got this way.  My parents certainly didn't stand for that sort of thing when I was growing up.  But, I've been out of their "control" for almost six years now.  And most days, there's no one there telling me to check my attitude or to keep me in line.  Thomas does a pretty great job of treating me like a princess, but that doesn't mean that it's ok for me to act like everyone else's interests are beneath mine.

The main area I see this in my life is with my husband.  He would bend over backwards or fly to the moon to make me happy.  And I've started to take advantage of that.  But I want to change.  I want to be better.

I feel like my main purpose right now is to be a godly, submissive, and supportive wife to my husband.  And I can't do that if I'm busy ordering him around to obey my every whim.  I truly want to be the wife and the home he just can't wait to come back to each evening.  And the one he can barely stand leaving in the morning.

So the verse I read this week to remind me that it's not about me is a very well known one, but it certainly needed repeating for me.  It's Philippians 2:3 (NIV).

So I'm Not Gonna Lie...

I haven't wanted to blog very much lately.  I'm only human, so it's usually really easy to share when I'm in a good mood.  But when things aren't going so well, it's a bit harder to be honest about it to whoever feels like reading these quite public posts.  I will never claim to be perfect, but it is a struggle to share your down moments on the internet.  But, I don't want to pollute the purpose of my blog by acting like I don't have struggles and problems and bad days (or weeks).

The thing about contentment is that it is a constantly shifting state.  Everyday you have to wake up and choose to be content with all of God's blessings.  So it's not exactly a thing you can achieve all the time.  (Or if you can, someone seriously needs to give me lessons.)  And, truth is, it's taking a bit more effort than normal to find that contentment.

You know how it is, I'm sure, nothing's really wrong.  Sure, each day has little struggles, but there isn't a major reason to be discontent or depressed.  I'm just not sure what God has in store for our lives.  And for a while now, it's sort of felt like we're in limbo.  Just between things.  But that's not how God intends our lives to be.  We shouldn't be just waiting around for whatever is going to happen next.  Unfortunately, though that's really easy to say, it's a bit harder to live sometimes.  

It's just hard to not know anything about your future.  And we all know what that's like.  It's not an isolated feeling.  Right now, I have a lot of time to fill during the days while Thomas is at work.  A lot of time to think.  A lot of time to wish.  And I really try to make myself useful and put the housework and the important things first.  But no matter what I do with my free time, it seems to make me wish for something else.

If I watch a movie, I find myself envying the characters for the freedom and their problems that can almost always be solved by just talking to the other person.  If I read a book, I start wishing I could be whisked off to Narnia or Tremaris where the enemy is more obvious and less cunning.  If I watch "House Hunters" (a favorite of mine, that I'm not supposed to watch), I start out thinking I'm ok, and I just really enjoy looking at the houses.  But then, a day to two later, we drive by a house with a "For Sale" sign out front and I find myself wishing.

Constantly wishing... for something else... sometimes for anything else...

But that's not how God wants me to live; it's not how I want to live.  I want to be joyful, to be truly and genuinely thankful for all the blessings God has given me; I want to be content with where He wants me.

I obviously don't have the solution on how to be content, but I'm just trying to go through each day, thinking of things that I'm thankful for.

Like:  My husband who decided to buy me flowers just because he knew I needed some extra love.  Music, I'm so thankful for music and how it can change my whole day around.  I'm thankful that we have a wonderful place to live and the fact that my dream of living near the beach came true.  That I have fresh, (sometimes) healthy food I like to eat each day.  I'm thankful that I'm healthy and young and surrounded by people who care.

So that's all I've got.  All day long, I just try to think of these things and thank God for them, even if I'm not feeling it that much.  A small plan to fight discontentment, but as long as I try, I just have to remember that I have a very big God on my side.  Rooting for me.

What's Up With Wednesdays? {Wednesday Wins}

So apparently my car doesn't like me on Wednesdays anymore.  If you recall, last Wednesday, I locked my keys in the car (only the second time I've done that in the almost 10 years I've been driving).  Ok, so I guess that wasn't really my car's fault.  Today, however, it just died.  And I'm pretty sure it wasn't my fault.  Thankfully, my wonderful hubby was available to come rescue me...again.  (I really hope he likes damsels in distress, because that's apparently what I'm becoming.)  Unfortunately though, it had to be towed, and we have no idea what is wrong with it and how much it will cost.  So, if I even have a car at my disposal next Wednesday, I'm pretty sure I will be avoiding using it!  Lol.

It's funny, though, how this all ties in. Our church is currently in the middle of a two week revival.  And to be honest, before it began, I was not excited about the prospect of having all of my free weeknights taken up with church services.  We have gone, however, and God has used the revival to teach me/remind me of several things.  And one of the two main things He's spoken to me about is needing Him every minute of every hour of every day.  The revival leaders have said the phrase "God I need you" so many times, encouraging people to pray that phrase to the Lord as many times as you can throughout the day, not just in times of trouble.

And today, as I was driving away from the house to take myself to lunch with a good friend a.k.a. a good book and then do a little leisure shopping, I was feeling pretty good.  Monday and Tuesday weren't very good days for me.  Nothing really bad happened, they were just blah and rough.  But this afternoon, I was doing worlds better, especially at the prospect of spending a relaxing afternoon out of the house.  But that phrase popped into my head as I was driving down the road thinking about how good of a mood I was in.  And so I prayed in that moment, telling the Lord that I need Him even in the good days.  Because only He knows what else will happen in my day.  And it's on the good days that really bad things tend to blindside you and end up that much worse.

So when, after my last stop of the day (getting gas), the car would not start, yet my day was not ruined.  God had maybe somewhat prepared me because I remembered praying that prayer and almost laughed at its significance.  So, even though the car is now in the shop with who knows how much money's worth of repairs awaiting it, I'm not worried.  It's still almost comical.  Especially since it's the second Wednesday in a row I've had car issues.  So thank you to the Lord for always being there when I need you, which is on the good days and the bad.

So, now that that story has been told, let's back up in my day a little bit.  I had some delicious lunch at Panera (my favorite, and one of the only places I really feel not-awkward eating with only a book for company).  And then I was going to head over to Ulta because I really wanted to spice up my eyeshadow collection (which is extremely limited), and grab a high quality clear coat nail polish so that my color polish would stop chipping so quickly after I paint my nails.  But, when leaving Panera, I had the (fabulous) idea to stop by Marshall's first because they usually have some O.P.I. nail polishes really cheap, and I just enjoy walking around and looking at all the home decor, etc.  And check it out:

I grabbed all of this for less than $15!!!

I'm not familiar with the E.L.F. brand, but I don't even care... I mean, look at all those colors!!!  I just love that I got so many colors to try out and see what I like.  There are a lot of warm neutrals with the brights to mix it up!

And the only thing I was unsure of when I decided to buy a high-quality clear polish a few days ago was finding the right product.  I wanted a good brand (which usually means expensive, I'm a little more picky about my nail polish brands), but I also knew that good brands almost always have ninety million types of clear coats, and I wasn't sure what I was going to need.  So this little trial set gives me four different options to try out, so I can figure out what I like before I buy a full-size bottle.  I'm also excited that the set includes a nail hardener.  My nails have been in pretty poor shape lately and could really use a boost!

I ended up not even going to Ulta because I had already gotten more than I bargained for at a much cheaper price!  Thus, God also gave me a really good day before the tough part hit.  Because the Lord is with me at all times, I am still having a great day in the face of a pretty big setback.  Thank you to God!

Through a Different Lens

We all have those days.  The days where, even though moments before we felt the breeze blowing through our hair at the top of the highest mountain peak, we suddenly seem to have sunk to the lowest, darkest, coldest valley of our lives.  Where we can still see the sun shining on the mountain tops, but no matter our efforts, we just can't seem to get back there.  We try; we kick and scream; we claw; we cry; but we're stuck in the valley with no way out thinking there isn't one; there never will be.

Monday, I was truly having a good day.  Writing about good things tends to cheer me up, so the list of little lovelies that could have gone on much longer than it did made me start to feel the sun on my face and wind in my hair.  But then, yesterday, nothing seemed to go right.  I couldn't find any little lovelies to bolster me against the small, menacing problems of the day.  It's as simple as Christmas shopping; I only had/have a few things to finish up and every single one of them fell through.  And so the valley mentality kicked in.  I felt the weight and the shadows of the peaks I cannot get to darkening my spirit.  And all around me, all I could see was the darkness of unmet expectations.

We all have them.  Those small (or big) obstacles in our lives that make the grass look perpetually greener on the other side.  Maybe you thought that by now, you'd have a house and a couple of dogs.  Maybe you thought that your financial struggles would be a thing of the past.  Maybe you thought that you'd both have careers you enjoyed.  Maybe you thought that, finally, your own grass would be looking pretty green.

But it's not.  The expectations you had for your life, though seemingly not out of reach, have not come to fruition.  And at this point, when you pile up all the things in your life that just didn't pan out the way you thought, there really seems to be no way out of this dark and depressing valley.

But that's when you need to stop and look at your life through a different lens.

As hard as it may seem, you have to think about all of the other things that didn't go the way you'd thought they would.  The things that worked out as you'd never dared to hope.  That you never thought that God would actually show you your husband in high school... but it happened.  That life-long, completely (you thought) unattainable dream of living near the beach... that has come true.  That sweet little creature that wormed her way into your heart causing you to pack up and move just to keep her.  That happiness you feel when you and your husband say the exact same thing at the exact same time and you both just know that what you have is right.

And then I think, well, maybe this valley isn't so bad.  I've still got the salt-smelling wind, the sun, and the waves to keep me company.  Maybe the mountains have beauty, but the valleys theirs too.

So maybe, if your valley is looking a little dark and hopeless, you need to try looking through a different lens.

A Beth Moore Girls Weekend {Lundi Little Lovelies}

This is definitely NOT one of those Mondays.  The ones where I'm depressed and just feeling off.  Today, I am so thankful for this Monday.  Mainly because I need a mellow day to relax and catch up and process the past few days.

This weekend, I had the absolutely fabulous opportunity to attend a Beth Moore conference in Daytona with a big group of women from church.  And I have been so incredibly blessed by God, Beth, the worship team, and the lovely ladies who went on the trip.  Frankly, I was a little nervous to go.  I'm so shy.  I also don't have children.  I didn't even know the names of several of the women who were going.  I was afraid of not enjoying myself because I so often don't fit in.  But, I was wrong.  The wonderful, godly women who went included me, and the Lord spoke to me so much that I simply cannot look back on the trip with regret.  I know I was meant to go, as was each of the other women who went.

I so greatly enjoyed getting to know them better.  One of the wonderful things about the trip was that there was a lot of "unplanned" time where we could all just gather around and talk, share, pray, laugh, and cry.  And I think I'm right in saying that we all walked away from the weekend changed in some way.  

God moved powerfully through the worship, Beth's speaking, and through our time with each other.  Though I cannot fully explain how God spoke to me in a way that will speak to you, I'd like to share some of the things that Beth said that moved me.

• "Jesus knew firsthand what it was like to be a man." -  Now, I know that when Jesus came to this earth, he was fully God and fully man.  But I have never thought about it to the point that Beth explained.  Jesus took his 100% God-ness and put it into the confines of a human body.  Beth thought about the fact that God never sleeps.  So, it may have annoyed Jesus that his human form got tired and had to sleep.  He surely got sores on his feet from walking miles in his sandals.  He got hungry.  He probably had a cold at some time in his life.  And Beth focused on Mark 7:34 where is says that Jesus groaned.  He knows the limitations and the afflictions of our human forms, and he longs for us to experience our heavenly forms that have no imperfections.  Wow!
• She also spoke on a verse that has long been dear to me.  Isaiah 40:11 says, "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young."  (NIV, Italics added)  Oh how I just love that God gathers me in his arms and carries me close to his heart.  I so dearly need to be loved and cared for in such a tender way by my Savior.
• Beth's last point was that Jesus is seated at the right hand of God in heaven until he comes back to bring all the saints home.  Amen!  I have read the accounts of Christ's ascension into heaven many times, however, I have failed to picture the scene in my mind.  "After the Lord Jesus had spoken to them, he was taken up into heaven and he sat at the right hand of God."  (Mark 16:19, NIV)  Just as he had proclaimed right before his crucifixion (Mark 14:62), men witnessed him being raised into heaven and sitting down beside his Father!  Wow!  And there he remains until the day no one knows except the Father, when God will turn his head to his son and say "Go get her!"  (Paraphrased from Beth Moore)  Hallelujah!

I was so tremendously blessed through Beth's teaching of the Word.  I am so thankful to her that she is daily obedient to the call that God has placed on her life.  And I am also thankful for the wonderful group of women that He has placed me in.  They are Godly influences on my life, and I am glad to be counted among them.

And we finished up the weekend with a life group party.  What a great way to keep the fun going!  We played True Colors, and I have not laughed so hard in ages!  I am so glad that God has given us such a wonderful group of friends!

This, indeed, is a happy, happy Monday!

Fear of Mediocrity

Alright, so this post did not happen on Wednesday as it was supposed to; I just got really busy.  But I just can not keep silent about how God is profoundly working in my life.

Like I mentioned in the last post, though, this one is yet another plug for Beth Moore's Beloved Disciple.  (I promise that no one is paying me to say any of this.  I am genuinely floored by this study.)

Everyday I do this study, there is something that God uses to speak to me.  But on one of the days last week, He used Beth to speak to one of my very worst fears.

Mediocrity.

**Side note: Please, please do not take offense at the next two paragraphs.  I am not bashing anyone's life choices; I am just sharing some of my personal fears.  I, in no way, want anyone to think that I am saying that they've settled for mediocrity because they've made these choices.

I am terrified of my life just being mediocre.  There are different things that I've come to hold as symbols for mediocrity in my life.  One is having children.  Thomas and I have been married for over five years now, and we're still not anywhere near ready to have kids.  Honestly, we've always sort of been on the fence about having children.  It's not something that either of us really feels like we need to do.  And, of course, I've seen how wonderful children are, but I also know that they are a big responsibility.  Thomas and I are very adamant that we don't want to decide to have children just because that's what married couples are "supposed" to do.  If/when we have children, I want it to be because of a genuine call from God.

A second symbol of mediocrity in my life is moving back to Missouri.  I miss my family a lot.  But at the same time, I don't want to move back to St. Louis at all.  If God calls us to move there, we will go, but I can't guarantee that there wouldn't be any kicking and screaming involved in the process.  In my mind, moving back to St. Louis seems like a cop out.  I feel like, if we were to move back to Missouri, we will fall into that pattern of what you're "supposed" to do in life and lose all hope of an adventure.

So, now you know how my mind is working at this point...  *Intro: Beloved Disciple...

On day 2 of last week's study, God spoke directly to this fear that is so deeply ingrained in me that I feel like it is almost unshakeable.  And, for me, it is.  There is only one thing that can break down this fear that holds me captive.  The Word of my omnipotent God.  And if I allow him fully into my life, he can break this fear to bits.  He has already begun.  Hallelujah!

Beth had us studying John 15.  And John 15:5 says, "I am the vine; you are the branches.  If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."  (NIV)  Jesus says it right there: when we remain in him, he will cause our lives to bear much fruit.  A few chapters earlier, John records Jesus saying, "...I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."  (John 10:10, NIV)  Not mediocre life; life to the full!

God has great things destined for those who believe in his Son as their savior and put their lives in his hands.  Wow!  I am very familiar with both of the passages of Scripture that I quoted above, yet God breathed new life into his word that they could touch me to the core this time.  His Word is alive!  And he has promised that a life given to him will have nothing to do with mediocrity!  Even though I've read these verses countless times, now I can feel their truth in my bones, and their promise brings me to tears.  God always, always wants what is best for his children.  And I am his child.  His beloved.  His.

Though God is still working this truth and promise into my life, coaxing me to let him tear down every doubt I've held so close, I can feel his words coursing through my veins.  As long as I give my life to him, I will never have to be in fear of mediocrity.  His best can never be mediocre.  Thank you Lord!

The Affection List

Thomas and I have been married for over five years now, and we've been a couple for over eight.  (We were high school sweethearts... *Insert: awwwww!*)  We've been through a lot in our relationship so far, and I can't wait to see what the future brings us too!

I think all couples go through times where the just don't get each other.  Seriously, sometimes it's like men and women speak completely different languages!  Can I get an "amen"?  So, though Thomas and I aren't by any means perfect, we have certainly had a couple of years to try and figure each other out.

One thing that always tends to come up is whether or not the other person's needs are being met.  Right now, our life group is going through a study called His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley Jr.  Interestingly enough, Thomas and I read the book version as part of our pre-marital counseling.  But it's really interesting to go back through the concepts five years later and with a group of friends to discuss with.  Thomas and I also recently read Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, which talks about a man's need for respect and a woman's need for love.

These two books, along with others, and numerous discussions between the two of us have helped us learn how to meet each other's needs in our marriage, and they've also helped us learn what our needs are.  A lot of times in relationships, part of the problem is that we don't know how to articulate what we need.  Many times it's not until someone else puts it into words that we fully realize what we've been wanting.

We've also had the reminder that love is the opposite of selfish  (1 Corinthians 13:5).  Once you've been in a relationship for a while, you start to become very comfortable with the other person.  And I'm not convinced that that's always a good thing.  Don't get me wrong, I love how honest and open I can be with Thomas, and I love that I don't have to be embarrassed about hardly anything in his presence because I know he will still love me.  But, I think we can get too comfortable in relationships in the way that we feel entitled to receive some things from the other person.  And, in my opinion, that is exactly wrong.

How is it loving if I refuse to meet a need that Thomas has because he is not meeting one of mine.  And the same goes for him; just because I am not meeting a need of his does not give him free reign to stop meeting my needs.  It's a big ole circle that will never have a start if both people insist on being selfish.  Yet, if we truly embraced the biblical definition of love, we would meet each other's needs regardless of our spouse's treatment of us.  But, man is that a hard concept to put to practice sometimes.

If this is provoking any thoughts in your mind, or even more, stirring anything in your heart, I would highly suggest that you read either or both of the books I've mentioned above.  Thomas and I have a wonderful relationship, and we always have, but studying marriage has helped us understand each other and love each other on a whole new level.

One last book I would recommend is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  And this book outlines basic ways that people feel love and puts them into five categories.  This book is helpful because it shows us how we interpret actions and words differently.  For example, one of Thomas' top love languages is physical touch; so he feels the most loved when I hug him, hold his hand, kiss him, etc.  One of my main love languages is quality time; so I most enjoy spending time together doing a variety of activities.  So, to most meet each other's need for affection, we have to keep these preferences in mind.

So, here's the real point of today's post:  One of the things that these books and discussions spurred Thomas and I to do is to make lists for each other.  Since I am a woman, and I don't always know what I want or what will work for me at a certain time, I brainstormed a whole list of things Thomas can do for me and with me to show me love and affection.  Thomas also made me a similar list, and after we read Love and Respect, I made sure to note some ways that he would like me to show him respect also.  Even though these lists aren't a fool-proof system, it gives us insight into what matters to each other.  We know each other really well (we should, we've been together for about 1/3 of our lives already, and we've known each other for longer), but we still need help in showing love, affection, and respect in ways that will truly mean something to the other person.

So, I would highly suggest talking to your spouse about making similar lists.  I know these have helped us, because anytime I want to do something special for Thomas but I'm not sure what to do, I just check the list for ideas.  Just to get some ideas flowing, I've got a couple examples of things I wrote on my list to Thomas listed below.  Some of them are more serious, and some of them are silly and fun, because variety is always good for me!

The Affection List

• Tell me why you love me
• Take me out for ice cream unexpectedly
• Take me for a walk on the beach
• Dance with me
• Give me a back rub
• Plan a date (even if it's just something simple)
• Write me little notes
• Give me little presents (i.e. candy, flowers, post-its*, etc.)
• Suggest we go do an activity outdoors

*I am such a nerd and so in love with Post-its, that one time Thomas brought home a Post-it cube (with no prompting from me whatsoever, completely his idea), and it literally made my day.  I'm not even kidding; I was ecstatic!   Yes, you can laugh at me now!

Filling the Void

Well, I had a recipe all planned to blog yesterday or today, but it turns out that that's not going to happen.

I'm currently going through Beth Moore's study Beloved Disciple in a women's Bible study group at church, and today, some things hit me pretty hard.

We've lived in Florida for over two years now, having moved over 1000 miles from our families and everyone we know who are back in Missouri.  And though I absolutely love Florida, and my lifelong dream of living here is being fulfilled, I have never felt more isolated in my life.

I've struggled with feeling lonely and isolated quite a bit throughout my life.  Which is weird, because I generally enjoy being alone, and I am not a person who is comfortable in a huge room full of people.  But the isolation I have felt since moving here has been profound.  My family is no longer close by for frequent visits.  And when I was teaching, to be frank, I simply didn't fit in, so I have just one or two people from those two years whom I could call friends.  And now that I'm home, beyond Thomas, I don't have meaningful conversations with anyone.  Sure, I see people at the store, and I see students, etc. at band practice, but those interactions don't usually consist of anything that I'd call "meaningful" conversation.

And, you know, I do have friends.  But I only see the woman who I would dare to call my best friend usually once a week.  If I see her more than once, it's probably been an unusual week.  And that's through no one's fault, it's just how it is with life and families and jobs.

I feel like this is all culminating now because I am home all day.  My thoughts used to be bombarded with work and teaching and lesson plans, etc. all day long.  Though I was in just about the same boat then, my mind was so busy that most of the time I forgot about how isolated I was.  Now, though, my thoughts have free reign for most of the day.  My tasks at home are not those that take a lot of brain power.  And I feel lonelier than ever because I have time to realize it.

And today, God spoke to me through the words of Beth Moore.  I have been struggling for the past two years to remember that God is rooting for me to succeed.  Every moment of every day, he is right there next to me whispering, "Courage, dear heart."  (C.S. Lewis, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader)  Trying to strengthen me to make it through each day.  And though I perhaps know these things in my head, I am having an immensely hard time knowing them in my heart.

Beth explained that in her times of pain, she realized that there wasn't a person on Earth that could give her enough of what she needed.  The only person who could fill the deep void of need was God.  And that is a difficult lesson for me to learn.  None of my family, friends, acquaintances can fill the need I have because it is a need for God.  God is the only one who can be with me at all times.  He is the only one who can really understand.  He is the only one who can fill the lonely void in my soul.  And though I know he is my savior sometimes it's hard to remember that he's also my friend.  I've got the head-knowledge for all of this.  But to turn directly to God for love and comfort when the isolation sets in, and to really feel his loving arms around me and allow him to comfort me is something else.

Beth also pointed out Isaiah 54:10 for comfort.

"Thought the mountains be shaken

and the hills be removed, 

yet my unfailingly love for you will not be shaken

nor my covenant of peace be removed,"

says the Lord, who has compassion on you. (NIV)

And as you can tell, I'm not through this battle, but while I continue to try to learn this lesson in my heart, I know the Lord is right next to me, whispering "Courage, dear heart."

Over-Active Imagination

{Cue Worriers Anonymous Meeting}

Hi.  I'm Rachel.  (Now you say, "Hi Rachel".)  And I'm a worrier.  I've been struggling with worry since I was born.  And even though, sometimes I have tried to deny it, I am facing my addiction. 

Ok.  So, apparently, in addition to being a worrier, I'm also crazy.  Let's jump right in!

Back-story:  I have always had a pretty active imagination.  Some might go as far as to say that it could be categorized as "over-active".  *cough* Thomas! *cough*  And I would not disagree with him.  Thomas knows more about this part of me than anyone else.  Oh that you could be a fly on the wall as I recount the previous night's extremely weird and vivid dreams to him over the breakfast table.  It's pretty weird.  And if he were sitting right next to me, he would be rolling his eyes and saying something to the effect of, "Pretty weird?!  Now that's an understatement!"

My "over-active" imagination can be hilarious and fun sometimes.  But it can also be a big, ginormous pain in the butt.  It doesn't just extend to silly, fun things.  Oh no!  My imagination has a dark side too.  It wonderfully allows me to imagine every single bad thing that could ever possibly happen in life.  And it even sometimes delves into the magical world of things that couldn't possibly occur.  And it never stops.

I am a compulsive worrier.  And a lot of times, I've told myself that that's just how I am.  I can't help it.  But that's not true.

"So do not worry, saying, 'what shall we eat?' or 'what shall we drink?' or 'what shall we wear?'  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father know that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Matthew 6:31-34 (New International Version)

Jesus tells us not to worry.  God did not make me a worrier.  Sin makes me a worrier.  God does not want my imagination to run completely free and wild so that it wastes precious time and causes unnecessary stress.  God wants to free me from the burden of worry.  I am the one who is holding me back.  

I have seen God's hand move mightily in my life recently.  And my worrying did not cause one bit of it to come to pass.  All it does is waste time and energy.  And though worrying is a hard trench to climb out of, daily, I will remind myself that my God is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end.  HE has the final say in everything.  My worrying just shows my lack of faith in an ever-faithful God.

So, Hi.  My name is Rachel.  And I'm giving up my addiction to worry.


Now, I'm off to go make puppy chow.  And I absolutely must share the recipe with you tomorrow, because it is divine!  I literally think this recipe must have fallen straight from heaven!  Hehe!

This One's For You Mom and Dad

Ok, sorry, but this post is going to be sentimental.  So, if that's not your thing, feel free to just stop reading.  It won't hurt my feelings; in fact, I won't even know!

 I just want to publicly declare that I have the best parents in the world.  (I know, I know, you think yours are better than mine.  That's ok; but just know that you're wrong.)  Since growing up, getting married, and moving to Florida, I have come to love and respect my parents even more than I did when I was younger.  Part of this is because, when you're a teenager, you love your parents, but you mostly respect them out of duty.  Another part of this growth is getting to speak to my parents as adults.  Of course, I'll always be their little girl, but I've really enjoyed the friendship and companionship I have felt with them in the past few years.

Being 1100 miles away certainly has something to do with these feelings.  I miss my parents a lot.  Somedays it's almost unbearable that I can't just meet my mom for lunch, or go over to their house for dinner and board games, or just talk to them face to face.  But, it's not just that.  The past two years in Florida have been so wonderful and so difficult for many reasons.  And every step of the way, my parents have been there, on the phone with me, sending emails, listening to me cry, encouraging me, praying for me, loving me.  And I could not ask for better, more patient, more Godly, more wonderful parents.

Mom and Dad, I miss you so much.  I know that I am always in your prayers, and that means so much to me.  Thank you for everything that you've done for me over the years.  But mostly, thank you for guiding me into a life that, above all, seeks to follow the Lord.  I am always working on becoming the Godly woman you've taught me to be.  And I couldn't do it without your love, support, and guidance.  I love you both.

Ok, so I feel the need to end on something funny to get the lump out of my throat.  So for everyone else out there, here's the short version of how I convinced my dad to let me get a dog when I was a little girl.  (Side note: I don't actually remember this happening, but I've heard the story told so many times that I have fake memories of it.)

So, I really wanted a dog.  Really bad.  And there wasn't really a reason why we didn't have one except that Dad did not want one.  So one day, I went to find Dad to ask him if we could get a dog.  He was in the bathroom (but as a toddler, that obviously didn't matter to me).  So, I stood out in the hallway, and asked (I'm sure in the best adorable voice I had) "Daddy, can we get a dog?"

"No honey, we can't get a dog," came the reluctant reply from the other side of the door.

But apparently, I had a back up plan.  "Then, can we get a baby?"

"Ok honey, we'll get a dog."  (Haha!  Cute toddler logic wins!)

So, soon after that, we got Bridgette, who was a wonderful family dog for many years!

The end.  Now I feel like I need to go bake something!  Lol.

The 6 Month Project {Wednesday Wins}

Well, I'll tell you what, it can get really frustrating when a project that should only take a week or two ends up becoming a six month, painstakingly slow project.  But that's just life, isn't it?!  Especially with changes we're looking forward to or lessons we're learning.  For example, I'm pretty sure God's teaching me a lesson in faith right now.  With quitting my job and not being sure what is around the corner, I am really learning that I have to have faith that if I seek Him and His will, God will not let me fall.  And sometimes I feel like God is waiting for me to lean fully on Him trust Him completely before He tells me what's next.  Now, I know that I cannot fully understand His motives and His ways, so this may not be the case.  But I find myself thinking, hurry up already and have some faith!  This is taking for-ev-er!  But, sometimes, we and other things get in our way, and things just don't happen on our wishful time schedule.

Such was the case with this scarf!  I got this project started on the loom in JANUARY, and I just finished it and pulled it off the first week of June!  Yikes!  I surely wish this had not sat in the corner gathering dust for six months... but it did.  Life just gets in the way.  Things get busy.  Hobbies aren't always on the top of the ever-growing to-do list.  However, since summer started, this scarf became a priority!  And FINALLY, after hours and hours of sitting at the loom (in front of movies, of course), it is finished!  Yay!  So, here are a few pics of the new accessory!

Also, one more photo of my adorable kitten.  I had jeans on for part of the day and just laid them across the bed when I changed, and here's the result.  A sweet kitty zonked out on them.  She's so adorable!

Oh Marriage! {Sunday Fun Day}

So, last night I was reading some of the blogs I like and Pinteresting for recipes, and I somehow came across this video from youtube.  I can't give credit to the blog I found it on, because I just have no idea where I found it.

For any of you out there who are married, you can relate to this video.  It is SO true!  God made men and women unique, and we can both do dumb things sometimes, but this one is just so typical.  Husbands and wives will like this one!  Please, please, please take the minute and a half to watch this... you will not regret it!!!

Haha!!!  I love it!  Have a fun day this Sunday!

In the Tough Times...

...you tend to lean on God more.  It's much easier to think you can go it alone when everything's hunky-dorey.  But when life throws starts throwing proverbial curve balls, we all tend to wanna hit the "Pause" button and talk to God a little more.

Even though this is certainly not something to be proud of, it is very true for me.  It is so much easier to lean on God when you have no idea what He's planning because there isn't anything you can do on your own.  I wish I could say that I look to God first in every situation, but I am not there yet.  I am desperately striving to be the person, wife, daughter, friend, servant He wants me to be, but all too often I get caught up in the everyday activities of life.  And then I find myself, laying in bed after another day, praying for forgiveness for neglecting to seek God continually.

So in an effort to train my heart and mind on Him, I am currently working on memorizing a short passage of scripture.  I have been reading the Bible through in chronological order in my personal Bible study, and this past week, one of the days readings was Psalm 119... the whole long thing.  (Btw, I'm fairly convinced that chronological order is one of the best things ever!)  And while reading, this set of verses really stuck out to me.  I want these to be my heart's desire, every moment of every day.

Psalm 119: 33-40 

(in the New International Version)

"Teach me, O Lord, to follow your decrees;

then I will keep them to the end.

Give me understanding, and I will keep your law

and obey it with all my heart.

Direct me in the path of your commands,

for there I find delight.

Turn my heart toward your statutes

and not toward selfish gain.

Turn my eyes away from worthless things;

preserve my life according to your word.

Fulfill your promise to your servant, 

so that you may be feared.

Take away the disgrace I dread, 

for your laws are good.

How I long for your precepts!

Preserve my life in your righteousness."

I just love the Psalmist's passion for wanting to do the will of God.  Especially the phrases he used like "with all my heart", "away from worthless things", "How I long for your precepts".  I want my passion and desires to match those of the Psalmist; to focus on the things above, the things that really matter and not get caught up in all the worldly, worthless things.

Any thoughts?!

My New Adventure {Wednesday Wins}

I am so excited to share about my new project!  For months now, I have been toying with the idea of becoming a consultant for Thirty-One Gifts, and I finally took the plunge!  So, I am now an independent Thirty-One consultant.  {Please note that all of the following comments are my personal opinions and do not reflect the views of Thirty-One Gifts.}  : )

First off, what is Thirty-One, you ask?  It's a company that sells a variety of fun and functional products that help you organize your life.  The products are super cute and range from home organization to purses, and almost everything in between.  Thirty-One products are sold through independent consultants (much like Mary Kay, Avon, or similar jewelry lines like Lia Sophia).  Thirty-One is also a Christian based company that was founded on the values from Proverbs 31.  Honestly, the more I find out about the Thirty-One community, the more excited I become!

Next up: Why Thirty-One?  Well, I've thought off and on about trying something like this: selling jewelry or make up, etc.  But I had never found products that I really felt passionate about.  I always hesitated because I wanted to make sure that I would personally buy the products I would be trying to sell.  Most people know that I am NOT a salesperson.  So, this is a big stretch for me, but I'm really excited because I just love the Thirty-One products and everything the company stands for.

So, if you are an organization fiend (like me) or just love cute bags, etc.  You should definitely check out Thirty-One.  I just can't wait to start figuring everything out and sharing all of their lovely products!  Feel free to check out my website if you're interested in learning more about Thirty-One!  https://www.mythirtyone.com/OrganizingYou/

Saying Goodbye...

It's always hard.  Saying goodbye to someone, something, somewhere.  No matter how you felt about it, there is almost always something hard about saying goodbye.

Well, I am saying goodbye to a job next week.  I have taught high school for two years now, and the ending is coming up very quickly.  This decision has been a long time in the making.  Very, very teensy, tiny steps have been made for months now.  But, a couple of weeks ago, after so much prayer and thought, I made the final decision to quit.  I have struggled immensely with this decision for so many reasons, but one was driven to my heart today.  I love my students and am sad to leave each and every one of them.

Today, I told all of my classes that I wasn't coming back in the fall.  And after their initial exclamations and bouts of "yelling" at me, they wanted to know why.  And I don't blame them!  I wonder if it feels like a betrayal that a teacher who "seems" to have cared about them so much and worked so hard for them could just leave.  I want so badly to make them understand that nothing they said or did made my decision.  If I could, I would give up the job, but not my students.  I am praying, pleading, that they don't feel betrayed or believe that I never cared for them; I care so much.  But the problem is, I don't have one "good" reason to give them as to why I'm leaving beyond the fact that I just know that this is God's path for me.  It broke my heart today to break theirs.  I almost wish I was pregnant (as they all immediately thought I was) so that I could better explain to them my reasons for moving on and make sure they understand that nothing is their fault.  (I am NOT pregnant, nor have any imminent plans to become pregnant.)

So I sit at home tonight, sad.  I know 100% that this is God's plan, and He is working amazing things in my life (we can talk about that later), but I can't help but shed a tear for hurting the precious children I have had the honor of teaching.

But in another way, the sadness is comforting.  I am so glad that I can look back on my two years of teaching and, for all its downsides, still have fond memories and a heavy heart when leaving.  I am so glad that I do not look back on it with anger or bitterness in my heart.  The sadness is, in a way, a blessing.

Thank you Lord, for all your blessings.

These are the flowers that two of my lovely students brought me after they found out that I'm quitting.

A long time coming...

I know you've been waiting for this post... the next one.  For a while, you were probably thinking, come on girl!  Seriously?!  What could be going on that you neglect your blog for like weeks?!  Then, after a few days more, your thoughts probably didn't rest on it at all.  I'm pretty sure by now, you've assumed I just forgot I had a blog all together.  But, I didn't.  And, I've felt bad for neglecting it as long as I have.

But, here I am!

It has been an i-n-s-a-n-e couple of weeks in my life.  Last week, I was at school (my work) for at least 11 hours a day, everyday.  The week before, I had three 11+ hour days.  So by the time I got home, I had just enough time to gobble down some dinner, try to keep the house (and myself) in order and go to bed.  I've been exhausted.

But besides that, it's been a really hard couple of weeks emotionally and spiritually.  I've been dealing with some things and praying over them constantly.  Wrestling with a life-altering decision is always stressful (for me, at least) and throwing that into the busiest weeks of my life at work was not a good combination.

I really struggle with worry.  I always have.  And sometimes I have to fight the thoughts that "that's just the way I am".  Because God says it's not.  He says, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"  And "do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself."  (Matthew 6: 27, 34)  But Satan constantly attacks me in this area, and far too often, I listen to his lies.

I've even caught myself thinking lately, Thomas should be more worried about this.  We had a conversation about just that on the way home from church last week.  And I had to confess that I was really, really struggling because I am worrying A LOT about some things, and it is bothering me to no end that he doesn't seem worried at all.  And it kills me that I want him to join me in my sin of worrying.

Daily, I have to confess to God.  And daily I battle with this.  I know it is not a sin to be interested in the future and to desire to know God's plans and to hope and pray for the best.  But, worry goes beyond that.  Worrying about something says, "God, I don't trust You with this.  I don't trust that You have it all under control and will see me through.  I don't believe that you have plans for me, to give me a hope and a future."  And I desperately do NOT want to say these things to my Savior.  He is the only one who is completely faithful and true.  He is the only one who will never let me down, who never breaks his promises, who never fails.  He alone is worthy of my complete trust and faith.

So, daily I am dying to myself, my worries, my fears, and I am placing my trust and faith in Him who sees the big picture.

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?"  Matthew 6:26