Saturday, May 11, 2013

A long time coming...

I know you've been waiting for this post... the next one.  For a while, you were probably thinking, come on girl!  Seriously?!  What could be going on that you neglect your blog for like weeks?!  Then, after a few days more, your thoughts probably didn't rest on it at all.  I'm pretty sure by now, you've assumed I just forgot I had a blog all together.  But, I didn't.  And, I've felt bad for neglecting it as long as I have.

But, here I am!

It has been an i-n-s-a-n-e couple of weeks in my life.  Last week, I was at school (my work) for at least 11 hours a day, everyday.  The week before, I had three 11+ hour days.  So by the time I got home, I had just enough time to gobble down some dinner, try to keep the house (and myself) in order and go to bed.  I've been exhausted.

But besides that, it's been a really hard couple of weeks emotionally and spiritually.  I've been dealing with some things and praying over them constantly.  Wrestling with a life-altering decision is always stressful (for me, at least) and throwing that into the busiest weeks of my life at work was not a good combination.

I really struggle with worry.  I always have.  And sometimes I have to fight the thoughts that "that's just the way I am".  Because God says it's not.  He says, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"  And "do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself."  (Matthew 6: 27, 34)  But Satan constantly attacks me in this area, and far too often, I listen to his lies.

I've even caught myself thinking lately, Thomas should be more worried about this.  We had a conversation about just that on the way home from church last week.  And I had to confess that I was really, really struggling because I am worrying A LOT about some things, and it is bothering me to no end that he doesn't seem worried at all.  And it kills me that I want him to join me in my sin of worrying.

Daily, I have to confess to God.  And daily I battle with this.  I know it is not a sin to be interested in the future and to desire to know God's plans and to hope and pray for the best.  But, worry goes beyond that.  Worrying about something says, "God, I don't trust You with this.  I don't trust that You have it all under control and will see me through.  I don't believe that you have plans for me, to give me a hope and a future."  And I desperately do NOT want to say these things to my Savior.  He is the only one who is completely faithful and true.  He is the only one who will never let me down, who never breaks his promises, who never fails.  He alone is worthy of my complete trust and faith.

So, daily I am dying to myself, my worries, my fears, and I am placing my trust and faith in Him who sees the big picture.

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?"  Matthew 6:26

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