Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Saying Goodbye...

It's always hard.  Saying goodbye to someone, something, somewhere.  No matter how you felt about it, there is almost always something hard about saying goodbye.

Well, I am saying goodbye to a job next week.  I have taught high school for two years now, and the ending is coming up very quickly.  This decision has been a long time in the making.  Very, very teensy, tiny steps have been made for months now.  But, a couple of weeks ago, after so much prayer and thought, I made the final decision to quit.  I have struggled immensely with this decision for so many reasons, but one was driven to my heart today.  I love my students and am sad to leave each and every one of them.

Today, I told all of my classes that I wasn't coming back in the fall.  And after their initial exclamations and bouts of "yelling" at me, they wanted to know why.  And I don't blame them!  I wonder if it feels like a betrayal that a teacher who "seems" to have cared about them so much and worked so hard for them could just leave.  I want so badly to make them understand that nothing they said or did made my decision.  If I could, I would give up the job, but not my students.  I am praying, pleading, that they don't feel betrayed or believe that I never cared for them; I care so much.  But the problem is, I don't have one "good" reason to give them as to why I'm leaving beyond the fact that I just know that this is God's path for me.  It broke my heart today to break theirs.  I almost wish I was pregnant (as they all immediately thought I was) so that I could better explain to them my reasons for moving on and make sure they understand that nothing is their fault.  (I am NOT pregnant, nor have any imminent plans to become pregnant.)

So I sit at home tonight, sad.  I know 100% that this is God's plan, and He is working amazing things in my life (we can talk about that later), but I can't help but shed a tear for hurting the precious children I have had the honor of teaching.

But in another way, the sadness is comforting.  I am so glad that I can look back on my two years of teaching and, for all its downsides, still have fond memories and a heavy heart when leaving.  I am so glad that I do not look back on it with anger or bitterness in my heart.  The sadness is, in a way, a blessing.

Thank you Lord, for all your blessings.

These are the flowers that two of my lovely students brought me after they found out that I'm quitting.

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