Friday, October 18, 2013

Fear of Mediocrity

Alright, so this post did not happen on Wednesday as it was supposed to; I just got really busy.  But I just can not keep silent about how God is profoundly working in my life.

Like I mentioned in the last post, though, this one is yet another plug for Beth Moore's Beloved Disciple.  (I promise that no one is paying me to say any of this.  I am genuinely floored by this study.)

Everyday I do this study, there is something that God uses to speak to me.  But on one of the days last week, He used Beth to speak to one of my very worst fears.


**Side note: Please, please do not take offense at the next two paragraphs.  I am not bashing anyone's life choices; I am just sharing some of my personal fears.  I, in no way, want anyone to think that I am saying that they've settled for mediocrity because they've made these choices.

I am terrified of my life just being mediocre.  There are different things that I've come to hold as symbols for mediocrity in my life.  One is having children.  Thomas and I have been married for over five years now, and we're still not anywhere near ready to have kids.  Honestly, we've always sort of been on the fence about having children.  It's not something that either of us really feels like we need to do.  And, of course, I've seen how wonderful children are, but I also know that they are a big responsibility.  Thomas and I are very adamant that we don't want to decide to have children just because that's what married couples are "supposed" to do.  If/when we have children, I want it to be because of a genuine call from God.

A second symbol of mediocrity in my life is moving back to Missouri.  I miss my family a lot.  But at the same time, I don't want to move back to St. Louis at all.  If God calls us to move there, we will go, but I can't guarantee that there wouldn't be any kicking and screaming involved in the process.  In my mind, moving back to St. Louis seems like a cop out.  I feel like, if we were to move back to Missouri, we will fall into that pattern of what you're "supposed" to do in life and lose all hope of an adventure.

So, now you know how my mind is working at this point...  *Intro: Beloved Disciple...

On day 2 of last week's study, God spoke directly to this fear that is so deeply ingrained in me that I feel like it is almost unshakeable.  And, for me, it is.  There is only one thing that can break down this fear that holds me captive.  The Word of my omnipotent God.  And if I allow him fully into my life, he can break this fear to bits.  He has already begun.  Hallelujah!

Beth had us studying John 15.  And John 15:5 says, "I am the vine; you are the branches.  If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."  (NIV)  Jesus says it right there: when we remain in him, he will cause our lives to bear much fruit.  A few chapters earlier, John records Jesus saying, "...I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."  (John 10:10, NIV)  Not mediocre life; life to the full!

God has great things destined for those who believe in his Son as their savior and put their lives in his hands.  Wow!  I am very familiar with both of the passages of Scripture that I quoted above, yet God breathed new life into his word that they could touch me to the core this time.  His Word is alive!  And he has promised that a life given to him will have nothing to do with mediocrity!  Even though I've read these verses countless times, now I can feel their truth in my bones, and their promise brings me to tears.  God always, always wants what is best for his children.  And I am his child.  His beloved.  His.

Though God is still working this truth and promise into my life, coaxing me to let him tear down every doubt I've held so close, I can feel his words coursing through my veins.  As long as I give my life to him, I will never have to be in fear of mediocrity.  His best can never be mediocre.  Thank you Lord!

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